Nicole Vullo on 
Written By Jen Graziano, Attorney, Licensed Funeral Director NY/CT
Coxe & Graziano Funeral Home
If funeral directors were surveyed and asked how many times they’ve heard a family call say, “I’m just looking for a simple cremation” the numbers would be astounding. These calls seem to come with far more frequency these days. Funeral directors often find themselves in a tug of war, fighting to keep the family yet also fighting to protect their bottom line. To all those who have longed looked with envy upon our industry for its inherent “recession proof” nature, rest assured, we are fighting for our life every day in the battle against a new consumer, a consumer with no regard for the sacred nature of our work. While volume may rise each year for a funeral home, revenue margins per case are noticeably shrinking for many.
The problem is clearly identified. Convenience in the modern world makes consumers want everything at the click of a button for the lowest cost. These purchasing trends stretch from buying groceries to cars and even funerals. No one is safe from the modern consumer. Value no longer lies in the nature and quality of the services being rendered, yet it comes in the form of how cheap and how fast something can be obtained. For the funeral industry, which has long rested on the pillars of providing service and forging bonds of human connections, this presents multi-faceted challenges.
With every problem, I’m optimistically of the belief that there is a corresponding solution. For funeral service providers, the answer is educating our client families. We need to dispel the notion that cremation is “simple” and therefore it does come with a price. For those who label themselves as low-cost providers looking to make a day’s pay and cut corners in every imaginable way, perhaps this article isn’t for you. But for those who turn their keys into that door every day, maintaining pristine facilities, providing concierge style service to client families…this is for you, keep reading.
Funeral directors can’t fall into the trap set by families who call and ask for the body to just be picked up and cremated. (I’m sure you’ve heard that one, too.) We are so much more than that. Families, however, won’t readily see our relevance if we fail to remind them of it. Funeral directors need to shift the dialogue, offering families a comprehensive arrangement conference despite them opting for a cremation. Families should always be encouraged to come to the funeral home and meet with a director. The funeral home is the best setting for a family to learn options available to them beyond just the cremation. Many families come to the table with a basic ignorance of death and the planning process that surrounds. Once you have the opportunity for the hug or the handshake, and the face-to-face contact that ensues, the event planning can begin.
I’m not advocating pushy sales tactics, rather, a tactful conversation that informs a family, cremation is only a form of disposition, it has no bearing on honoring a life. Families can be presented with options for memorial viewings and services, urn and jewelry selections, cremation caskets, custom memorials products, etc.
Aside from just merchandise sales to help bridge the gap of revenue between traditional burials and cremation, there is the education component that we, as funeral directors, must not forget to include. We must delicately instill the “shock value” in families to know that not all funeral homes will afford their loved ones the same dignity and reverence when it comes to cremation. Funeral homes are not apples to apples comparisons. If something seems unusually cheap, there is a reason, and we cannot be afraid to be so bold as to remind the consumer of that. We can be honest with a “price shopper” family over the phone, letting them know there are always ways to have a cremation for less, but at what cost to their loved one? We need to plant seeds of doubt in their minds. Let them begin to ask themselves, what will that low-cost provider not do for their loved ones that you will do. They should feel apprehension in selecting a provider based solely on cost, and we can’t be afraid to say it.
Scandalous headlines that have made their way on front page news regarding crematories and funeral homes should be gently presented to families who are making conversations all about price. Employing the utmost tact, we must show people the difference between the low-cost provider and the traditional funeral home. Sadly, for some consumers, it will not matter, but education and information will help us save a good percentage of client families as well as maintain our relevance as a profession, overall.
Further to the point of there is nothing simple about cremation is the potential for liability that we, as funeral homes, directors and owners, can incur. Families should be made aware of this. Cremation is an irreversible process, it carries the potential for extensive liabilities, which should tie into your point that it matters who/which funeral home cremates their loved one. In addition, much of the work we do remains the same regardless of the selected form of disposition. We are maintaining 24-hour staff and answering services, ready to respond to the call of service at all hours of the night. We utilize staff and equipment from the transfer into our care until the final transfer for disposition. Our basic infrastructure, general operating costs from keeping the lights on to refrigeration facilities running, none of that goes away because the family opts for a “simple cremation”. Let’s recognize our expenses, not to mention, our worth.
For those funeral directors not given the opportunity to meet in person with a family for any reason including physical distance or the family is just shopping over the phone, you have the added challenge to illustrate all these points without the benefit of human touch. Those of you responding to cremation inquiry emails will also share those challenges. However, communicating with and educating your client families, if done correctly, will likely breed success. And, your victory will stretch beyond that for just your funeral home, but for the industry at large.
Jen has carried her family’s legacy into the 4th generation. A fixture at the funeral home since her early years, she has embraced the call to service and has taken her work outside the confines of the funeral home into the community at large. Jen has spearheaded many projects and organizations including Mamaroneck’s coveted “Harbor Fest” that she chaired for six years. She also served as a two term President of the Mamaroneck Chamber of Commerce. Jen is active in daily operations of all 3 funeral homes. She understands the delicate balance of providing dignity and service to the deceased while comforting and caring for the living. Jen had initiated the funeral home’s aftercare program more than a decade ago and it remains a viable discussion group that has assisted many people in dealing with the difficulties of loss. She is responsible for hosting the funeral home’s coveted “Senior Appreciation Day” at local senior centers in Larchmont/Mamaroneck, Harrison and Greenwich. In addition she serves on the Community Advisory Board for Greenwich Hospital, a Board Member of the Greenwich Chamber of Commerce and President of the Sts. John & Paul PSPA. She is a frequent lecturer and panelist discussing senior issues in the community. She is a graduate of The Ursuline School, Fordham University, Touro Law School and the American Academy McAllister Institute. Jen is also a lector and parishioner of Sts. John & Paul and a member of the Larchmont Shore Club. She is the host of a weekly radio program on WVOX, “Time to Talk” focusing on sensitive issues of advanced planning and the creator of “Coming of Age Magazine”, which further touches on those issues. She’s recently created a line of memorial jewelry, RememBar Collection, comprised of “wearable memories”, which allow you to carry the ones you love with you wherever you go. She is most proud of her number one role, “Mia’s mom”.